Your First Gift

Dear Soybean,

Yesterday out of the blue I get a text from my friend Kristi.  She wanted to meet up to talk at Starbucks.  Cool enough, but guess what?  She brought with her your first gift!!  Well, make that gifts.  The fact that one of of them was a book melted my heart. 

Your first book is "I Love You Because You're You" by Liza Baker and the title couldn't be more true to how I feel about you.  On the inside of the front cover, It says "This book belongs to: Baby Nall with love from Auntie Kristi."   Awwww!!! 

The second gift was a Soothe & Glow Seahorse.   Explaining the gifts, she said jokingly that she needed to make friends (with you); I told her that if you end up being anything like me, presents will definitely be the way to your heart. Kristi later said further that years ago a good friend of hers had bought her a baby gift as soon as she found out she was pregnant.  She thought it was a very unique and sweet gesture and wanted to do the same for me. 

Speaking of the way to one's heart, there's a popular book out listing the "love languages" that humans "speak."  My primary ones are gifts and quality time.  Your dad's are physical touch and words of encouragement. I don't know how you'll best feel and express love, but don't worry-- you are sure to get lavished with all five "languages" as you grow. 

Kristi and I talked for almost two hours; it was just what I needed for some outside perspective to make some tough decisions I knew I needed to make regarding such things as your childcare and also addressing some of my first-pregnancy/miscarriage fears.  I feel much more grounded and at peace about everything.

Today I got my offer letter from the company that is buying Praxair Healthcare out, so I felt "safe" enough to tell all my coworkers at last that I am pregnant.  And, boy, I don't see how you, not even being bigger than an inch, made me so darn hungry today.  I simply couldn't get enough food!  I was begging fiber bars off of my coworkers and rummaging through the breakroom fridge for fruit cups I had brought weeks ago.  At least the hunger is better than the nausea that's been dragging me down the past several days.

Your poor dad is a bit overwhelmed today.  He took your Grandpa Nall to the doctor earlier this afternoon for a scheduled visit; the doctor listened to his lungs, didn't like what he heard, and told Grandpa Nall he needed to go to the hospital.  They've been there ever since.  Your Grandpa Nall has taken very poor care of himself through the years and is too stubborn to change; he'd rather continue abusing his body and have everyone pity him--in stark contrast to your Grandpa Scheffler who firmly believes he will make it to the 120 the Bible says is available.  It makes me sad to think you may not get to know all your grandparents--Grandparents are such special people that I sincerely think they should live forever.  I'm thinking about my own Grandma Scheffler--you're great-grandmother.  You still have two great-grandparents that are very much alive and I'm sure your great-grandma Scott will love to "rooster fight" you with her arm bent into a viscious, flapping wing once you're old enough to show some semblance of being able to fend for yourself... lol.   She shows no mercy as she hoots in delight, beating you to death.  She's great.  I will have stories to tell you about her, like the time she helped me win the Easter egg hunt at her house when I was a girl (your Uncle Stephen has still not healed from the incident.. haha).

Well soon enough, in about 7 months, I'll be able to lavish you with big wet kisses and for a while your world will be all things soft and cute... apart from the occasional diaper rash (God forbid!).    I'm hoping that even as you grow up and you discover this world has more than it's fair share of thorns, that overall you'll be glad you were born, and not only that, but born into this crazy little family that you will make complete.

The World We Know

Dear Soybean,

Maybe you'll grow up to be a history buff and will want to know about current events.  Well, you and I listen to a lot of NPR together as I drive around for my job and today was pretty special...  we heard the live broadcast of Discovery's last blast-off!!  A very sweet and sad moment.    However, most of the broadcasts were about the revolution in Libya and its crazy dictator Gadhafi.  At home, the news centered on the collective bargaining wars in Wisconsin and Ohio.  Local news... I was horrified to learn that a daycare in Houston had caught on fire early this afternoon and that 7 little ones between 18 months and  3 years old were taken to the hospital with first responders having to do CPR on some of them.  3 of them died.  My heart broke for their parents as I thought about how those parents most assuredly loved their kiddos and had big dreams planned for them, just like we do for you.  Dreams that ended much too soon.  Sad, sad, sad.  God, please hold these parents' hearts in your hands and do some healing only You and time can do.

I could write more, but frankly, I've been a bit out-of-sorts (your dad can testify to this.. haha) so maybe I should just get into my comfy pj's and relax to the new episode of The Office (I heart The Office!).   Writing of PJ's makes me all of sudden realize I can't wait to powder your baby-butt and put you into a onesie... lol. 

Oh, and my friend Emily blogged about you today!  http://13plumconfessions.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-hear-rejoices-in-lord.html   I have been realizing that I wasn't alone in my prayers for you to join us!  Never forget, wherever life or choices take you, that you are an answer to many prayers.

Sweet dreams, little one!

~A.

http://www.npr.org/2011/02/24/134034855/In-Libya-Defectors-Organize-In-Benghazi
http://www.npr.org/2011/02/24/134038038/houston-day-care-center-fire-kills-3-children

Green Gills

Dear Soybean,

I didn't have any morning sickness until a couple of days ago; since then, it starts to hit around late afternoon through the evening.  Yuck!  but I know you don't mean to make me sick so I won't hold it against you  ;-)   I'm starting to get a little weepy too. Tonight I found my eyes watering up watching American Idol (your dad makes me watch with him) and wondering whether our dogs looked sad (I had to give them each an extra treat and give them plenty of belly pats).  Tonight I kept a promise to your father that I would take it easy; seems like I've been pretty busy here lately and yet accomplishing a lot of nothing.

I had a great talk with your Grandpa Scheffler yesterday; he called me twice in one evening, a rarity in itself.  One was to talk about his gut-feelings about the spiritual impact you are going to have on this world and the second was to go over your physical development as he read about it in one of Peggy's medical books.

I broke news of you to Facebook the other day and got a boatload of comments.  I'll have to copy-and-paste them on this blog one day so that you can read them later.  You already have a lot of fans!!

I'm getting a bit freaked out about not being ready for your big day; I mean, there's so much to do.  We need to transform the guest bedroom/office into a baby room and start baby-proofing the house.  I try to tell myself that there's still over 7 months left, but I have a feeling that most of it will be left until the last minute.  As you get to know your dad, you'll realize that he has a heart-of-gold but that he is constantly nervous, thinking about this and that, which often materializes into procrastination.  At least he has the first step mapped out; he says this weekend he is going to go over what room is available in your Grandma Barbara's storage room and start moving stuff out of your room to make room for other stuff, baby stuff.

Your dad has kept his promise about turning over a new leaf; he has made it to church both Sabbaths since finding out you'll be joining us.  He says he's also serious about losing weight; he doesn't want you to have a fat dad that can't play with you.   :-)  He also says we can sell his XBox which I may very well take him up on (I'm wanting to see about trading it in for a Wii).  I pause to wonder if these video game consoles will be obsolete like Ataris and Segas by the time you're old enough to read this.  

I would love to write more but I'm pooped.  I don't remember ever hearing myself say "I'm tired" or "I'm hungry" but most often "I'm tired and hungry" so many times in my life as now.  I get tired of hearing myself whine.  ;-)  

Love,

~A.

P.S.  Your daddy said earlier this evening he could definitely tell a difference in my belly shape.  I told him it was just because I had stuffed myself with dinner, but he insists I'm showing... just a bit.  :-)

First Photograph

Dear Soybean,

I was about to write that you had your first photo taken today, when I realized that you have a lot of "firsts" ahead of you.  I am so excited for you.  I think I will be excited for myself to be your mom if/when I can get over the pre-parenthood jitters.  So back to the picture--you will soon realize that I looooooove pictures and you may be photographed more times than you may like in the years ahead but there is something so special about this first picture--this sonogram.  The sonographer pointed out a flicker of movement and said that it was your heart.  Your heart!  A moving piece... not a stagnant positive reading on a home pregnancy test, but a real, living piece.  I think that may be why for the first time today I actually started talking outloud to you.  As I was talking to you, I realized you don't even have ears yet.  I found it a bit funny to think that there may come a day when you will again be "deaf" to the words coming out of my mouth and I just hope that when that day comes when you're a teenager that you make the right decisions for you.

I've bee looking forward to being a mommy for a good while now and I'm just hoping and praying that I can bring you to term.  One of my monologues went like this, "Okay, Soybean, just hang on tight and grow big and strong, okay?  Well, maybe not too big.  I still need to be able to pop you out.  Work with me okay?"

You should see your dad, Soybean.  He's so excited that you're here with us.  I can honestly say I found you the best daddy in the world.  I really think he's going to be your favorite parent.  And that's okay.  He's my favorite person too  :-)

Writing the words "pre-parent jitters" a bit ago kinda struck me wrong... it seems I'm already doing some parenting, in a small way.  I'm already having to do things I don't want because it's not all about me anymore.  Take for instance exercise.  I can now blame you for draining me of energy (my prior lack of energy has no blamable cause) and I didn't feel like exercising at all earlier this evening.  But in the one of the million parenting/pregnancy magazines I got from my first OB appointment today, it listed about 30+ reasons to exercise while pregnant, including one stating that babies of moms who exercised during pregnancy ended up smarter.   I want to give you every possible resource to succeed, little Soybean, so I got my fat butt up and did some exercise (you're welcome!). 

I haven't yet told your Grandpa Scheffler about you... I plan on doing that this Saturday at your Great Aunt Cindy's big 50th birthday bash.    He is going to be sooo hyped; of all the people encouraging (aka demanding) us to have a baby, your Grandpa has been the most persistent and enthusiastic.  Oh, and that brings me back around to why I've been calling you Soybean all these times....  when I told your dad and Uncle Kivini about you, Uncle Kivini referred to you as a soybean and the name has the stuck, at least for now.

I think I am falling in love with you.  Love is all too often based on familiarity with someone, and there is still so much I don't know about you, not even seeing you in the flesh yet, but I can tell you without a doubt that you are wanted and welcome and if there is any hesitation on my part in being a mom, it's not that you aren't wholeheartedly desired--it's just that I know people make mistakes and I'm afraid that I won't be the best person I can be for you.  But with God on my side, I'm hoping most of my mistakes will be little ones and that you will be someday soon you'll love me in return.

Yours truly,

~A.