Wednesday, October 12, 2011

October 12, 1977

Dear Soybean,

Your Grandpa Scheffler called yesterday and said it would be neat if you were born today because October 12 was the day in 1977 that he and your Grandma Joy got married.  I assented that if it hadn't been for them getting together and having me, there would be no you, so October 12 would be a nifty date indeed.  It even falls on the same day of the week this year, a Wednesday, as it did that year.  I wonder if they know there was a full solar eclipse that day in 1977 (oh, the wonderful facts one can find on the internet!).

HOWEVER, you are going by your own schedule and no one else's  :-)    The doctor checked to see if I had dilated today and stated, "She's not even thinking about coming yet!"  He has us scheduled to come in next Tuesday (which would be 41 weeks and 1 day) for an ultrasound to see whether the amniotic fluid levels are still sufficient and for a non-stress test in which I just lie on my side and have you monitored for 30 minutes to make sure you're not in any distress.  As it is, your heartbeat sounded great today and my blood pressure is still good too.  If next Tuesday's test results are satisfactory, he'll defer an induction until the end of next week.  I'm hoping you come before then.  An induction would mean pitocin, which often means constant monitoring and stronger-than-normal contractions, which in turn means the possibility I ask for paid meds would increase too.  I really am going to try and do this the natural way.... we'll see.  Not only do I prefer for you not to be flooded unnecessarily with pain meds, the $1500 price tag for the anesthesiologist is nice deterrent too.

I should amend my statement that "my blood pressure is still good" to say it was good.  Upon leaving, I found out that I still had a $300+ balance on my account.  I had thought I was all paid up (because I had been told I was)!  Well apparently the down's syndrome test that I had asked not to have if insurance didn't cover, was done even though it wasn't covered so that was $200 right there and then the rhogram shot I had to have (since I had the bad manners to be born with B- blood type) was not part of the "global plan" quoted to me at the beginning.  And then there was the $25 fee for them filling out my disability forms.  Healthcare cost is a ridiculous, necessary evil.  All I want to do is have a baby!!!

I told your daddy that it would be cool if you were born tomorrow.  Thursdays are my favorite weekday.  My favorite two tv shows come on those nights and I can't think of a better way to get my mind off contractions... haha.

So, as it turns out, every day would be a great day for you to be born  :-)  It was so cute last night.... your daddy was talking to "the belly" and telling you "you better come out, little girl".  You were pushing from the other side with a knee or foot or something and touching his face... following his voice it seemed. 

Yesterday I walked quite a bit and also worked on reflexology points that are supposed to bring on labor--all to no effect.  It's weird how even though we're only two days past your arbitrary "due date", it can still play mind games on a person.  You're just a baby but yet the thought has crossed my mind that you don't like us and don't want to join our family.  I know that's completely absurd and I hesitate to even write the stupid thought down. It could also be taken as though you are a "mama's girl" already and are unwilling to leave me (much better scenario!).  It's just nerves getting to me, I guess.  I have all these questions about whether I'll be a good mom and then for there to be a seeming reluctance on your part to make your appearance...well, it's taking it's toll.  You know what, though, little girl?  I'm making a promise to you and myself right now to breathe and relax and just chill out about the whole thing. 

In a way I have felt anxious too because these days with you still in the womb could be seen as "wasted" days in that I'm already using up maternity leave just waiting around and that means fewer days with you once you're born.   But I have to ask myself if I'd rather be at work being all big and pregnant?  Nope!!  It's been actually fun getting to do house-wifey things like running errands for Chris and making home-cooked meals.  It's been interesting to see life from a slightly different point-of-view for a change.  Changing to the role of a "helpmeet" and not being the main"bread"-winner has been refreshing.  I know apart from a miracle, this arrangement won't last long and I'll have to return to the workforce but I appreciate this time for what it is.

Well, chicadee, it's getting a bit late so I'm going to put us to bed.  Love you!

Sweet dreams,

Mama

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