Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Countdown Begins

Dear Natalie Ann or Aaryn Dawn...

Your due date is less than a week away!  I had been feeling some sharp pains in a new place yesterday and the day before so I was sure that this time doctor would be able to report some dilation at our appointment this morning, but all he could say was that "it was softening."  He said that he would only let you go a week past the due date; I mentioned that I had heard that it was okay to go two weeks past.  He said that was an old wives' tale and that the chances of something going wrong after a week dramatically increase.  I told him that I felt you'd come when you are ready and  he replied that you will be ready.  I'm not so keen on induction but neither do I want to butt heads with the doctor (but I will if I have to!), so I'm hopeful it won't even come to a decision like that.  I see some walking in my future!  :-)  Your daddy says if you're anything like me, you'll be right on time and will come exactly on October 10th.  We both had a laugh when I said you could be just like him.  We agreed that in that case, you would be so very late that you might decide not to come at all... You might decide you rather like where you are right now.  Your Uncle Stephen said that his friend Chelsea was born three weeks past her due date, and she's one of the smartest people I know.  If I was more bent on traditional/westernized medicine, I would love my doctor.  But he seems to sniff at anything I have remotely inquired about such as water birth or waiting two weeks--he hasn't even bothered to go over the birth plan I brought in and hasn't mentioned the Prozac since first prescribing it.  I told your Uncle Stephen today that he should get into women's medicine.  He's enthusiastic and knowledgeable about the subject and, being the "people person" he is, gets engaged with whomever he's talking.  And I told him that "engaged" is what women want in an OB or midwife.  They want to feel special--all I have felt from my doctor is like I'm simply another number, another patient, another 2 minutes carved into his schedule. 

I've been experiencing some blues here lately, but again maybe it's because I've been so tired here lately.  I'm not quite sure.  Anyway, I told my boss today that Friday will be my last day before maternity leave.  Monday's the due date and I just don't have the "want-to" to keep climbing in and out of my truck all day long for work and waddling from patient's house to patient's house.  Maybe my blues will be allayed by getting to spend some quiet time thinking about the hour we get to meet at last. Speaking of which, I'm a bit scared about labor.  I know your daddy and I "graduated" from childbirth class Monday, but it's one of those things that I just don't know what my personal experience will be.   It's hard to feel prepared for something that you've never experienced before, regardless of how many stories other women tell you about what it was like for them. Because I'm not them and just as some women don't like chocolate, their experience may be completely foreign to me.

Uncle Bill, or my "beautiful Uncle" as I call him, calls every day now to see if there's any news.  He has been "bullying" your Daddy and I over not having any children for years now  :-)  I told him I want pan-crust Pizza Hut veggie lovers pizza as soon as labor is over.  I told him I'll be starving since they only allow you to have ice chips during labor in the hospital.  He said that he was pretty sure Pizza Hut would deliver to the hospital.  I had to grin just thinking about it.  Your Grandpa Scheffler calls every day or nearly every day now too.  I don't think there's EVER been a more excited grandpa and I mean it.  Your great-grandma Hazel must write my appointments on her calendar because if it's past noon and she hasn't heard any news from my appointment that morning, she'll call and leave voice messages ever so often until she hears back from me.  You have so many family and friends that already love you and can't wait to hold you.  It's a bit surprising to me, in a way, that they can all love you without even knowing you--but a baby is a special thing and I know they love your daddy and me so maybe they just assume you'll be a combination of our "awesomeness."  ha!  but then again, some people are just "kid people" regardless.  As for me, I still have some some quiet fears--what if you don't like me?  what if you wish you were born to someone else?  It's not like meeting another stranger in that I can't hold you at arm's length until we can get to "know" each other.  You will need me from moment #1.  I can't stand idly by and observe you.  I will need to be involved, extroverted.... I guess that means that while you are still impressionable I can brainwash you into believing that I am a great person to know.  :-)   You know, perhaps that "maternity instinct" they talk about with wash in and overwhelm me the moment I see you and I will no longer have any of those questions lurking in the back of my mind.  Perhaps at that moment I will simply be metamorphed into "your mama" and there will not be the slightest question of whether you and I are the perfect fit.  I guess I've just seen too many tv shows where these out-of-touch mamas just assume their babies will be a mini-me of themselves.  I am much too independent myself to have any such misconceptions of you.  You will be your own person, and rightly so.  I can't wait to see the person you become. 

It's time for bed, but I will write to you about the baby bundle I took to Monday's class and the daycare your daddy checked out today.

Sleep tight little Soybean,

Mama

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