Cold Turkey

Dear Soybean,

So, only two days of Prozac and then I was back to facing life cold turkey again thanks to a little scientific study we found online that stated Prozac use during pregnancy in the third trimester was linked to lung problems and premature birth.  I know I'm not in the third trimester yet, but I didn't want to get "hooked" on something just to have to come off of it in a couple of months.  There are also a lot of articles out there saying the risk is small and should be weighed against the risks of untreated maternal depression on the baby.  I just know that should there be any complications with you, I don't want it to be anything I caused or could have prevented, ya know?  What a huge weight that would be--the not-knowing whether one of your problems was caused by my happy pills.  And you can tell your dad is so relieved now I'm not taking the meds.  But I'm telling you the decision was easy to make but hard to deal with.  Hope is so powerful.  Hope that I was on the path to feeling better was healing in itself, so when your dad and I decided no more Prozac, the hope died and split my heart in two.  Each half fell to the bottom of a foot.  I know your eyelids are still fused shut so you didn't see the broken pieces but maybe you heard them as they whistled by.  ;-)  I went straight to bed after that and had a hard time getting up the next morning (yesterday). It didn't help any that I had called the counselor the OB doc had suggested and found out that my "wonderful" insurance has a history of not paying them for their services.  So a "no" there too.

There are days, though, that one wakes up with the sure feeling that someone has been praying for them.  Today was one of those days.  We took advantage of the great spring evening weather and took some pics of the belly.

Yesterday your great-grandmother Hazel celebrated a birthday.  We sang her happy birthday as she sang to the song to herself and, boy, I think everyone would agree it was the worst-sounding "happy birthday" rendition that's ever been heard coming from human lips.  :-)  It made my day when she gave me a hug as I left and told me, "It makes me happy to have grandkids like you."  Awww!!  She seemed to love the purse I bought for her as she screamed in delight while opening the gift. She's quite the character as you will discover.  :-)

Your dad and I are so excited you're coming.  I told him yesterday, "Isn't it weird, we're going to have a baby."  He had a concerned look on his face and tried to reassure me saying, "Yes, it's going to be great."  I knew he had misunderstood why I had said that so I replied, "I know that, it's just that it's only been you and me for almost ten years."  Ten years and the dynamic is about to change... for the better.  You've been a long time in coming, little one.  Welcome  :-)