Brown Roses and Big Feet

Dear Soybean,

Our little yellow roses aren't doing so well.  Your mama, as much as she'd like to be otherwise inclined, has a black thumb.  You haven't heard of that expression before?  Maybe that's because I just made it up--as black is the color of death.  The roses seem to be dying before they even bloom because the buds are turning brownish and shrively.  Your dad and I bought some rose food though so hopefully they'll turn around soon and be beautiful.

Last time your dad and I went to the doctor they tried to do a routine test for Down's Syndrome.  I guess some people would use this as a "screening" tool to determine whether or not they want to terminate the pregnancy, but we want you regardless.  I said ok to the test just so that in case you do have Down's Syndrome, we will be prepared to be even better parents to accomodate your special needs.  Well last time you were too short for them to do the test, so I had to go back today and I didn't mind at all because it meant more sonogram pictures!!  So they took their measurements and drew blood from me and we'll find out results... sometime.  Sometimes photos can seem to exaggerate, and your sonogram picture may have done just that because your foot looks huge!!!   lol   I told your dad you have his feet (he's a size 13).  You are so adorable though; one of the pics captured your little fist resting up against your head while you slept (or so the sonographer said). 

While at the doctor's office, I talked to Dr. Syal about my depression.  I told him I've always struggled with depression but that here lately my friends and family have noticed I'm not myself and have encouraged me to approach him about it (one good friend in particular had an intimate talk with me about it, she knows who she is...I love that woman!).  Well, he prescribed me some prozac and gave me the phone number to a counselor with a promise that we will follow up to see how I'm doing at my next visit.  I sure hope I get to feeling a bit more chirpy, little one.  I want to be experiencing the fullness of all the joy and excitement that this journey deserves.   Maybe I'll become a little less edgy and irritable with your father too; I'm sure he'd love that change.  :-)

We aren't the only mom-with-a-bun-in-the-oven duo anymore, little Soybean!  Yes, I found out that my friend Liz is pregnant too!  One of our mutual coworkers who has since moved on to greener work pastures had said several times in a prophetic, sure-thing kind of way that Liz and I would be pregnant at the same time. Sure enough!  I am so happy for her; we had both desperately wanted to get pregnant.  Liz hopes we both have girls.   She asked me today via instant messenger whether I had "felt pregnant" at first; it would be strange that she would ask that since it was only today after seeing your latest sonogram that I'm truly beginning to "feel" pregnant.  I mean that in that I feel myself beginning to walk funny, my baby bump is getting undeniably big; and the sonogram proves that you are definitely a miniature human being making a place for yourself in this crazy world. 

Love you,

~A.